Paul and I never watched any incarnations of Survivor until this latest “Survivor All-Stars.” The fact that all the players have played the game before alters the game theoretic dynamics in odd ways, so I really wish that I had seen some of the earlier seasons. In any case, the strategy is rather fascinating.

Last night, Sue left the game mid-episode in a fit of tears and rage over fat, gay, and naked Richard Hatch’s actions the day before during a challenge involving navigating a course of narrow broads connected by platforms. Here’s what happened:

Sue and Kathy are on the planks, Hatch is coming one platform away. Kathy offers for Sue to go in front of her, away from Richard. Sue says no, I want to go this way, I will wait for Richard to pass me. So Sue and Kathy are together on one platform, Richard is coming towards them. He meets Sue face to face, Kathy has her back to them. The plank is skinny, so he puts his hands on Sue’s shoulders and says “Come on baby I know you want some” and MIGHT have rubbed his nether regions against her hips. Sue says “That’s gross,” and moves on. Sue could have backed up one step, and Richard could have walked right past her. But she chose to block the plank to the platform and he had to squeeze past her.

I thought that Sue’s reaction to the incident was completely absurd. And this commentary really captures my rather unfeminist sentiments:

What a whiner. After a GAY man rubs his hoo-ha up against you (tasteless though it might be), you do NOT collapse into a puddle of humiliation, then abandon your team in the middle of a game.

I don’t care if she had an attack of PTSD because the weenie-wagging caused her to question her femininity due to a gay man dry-humping her, or whether she had flashbacks of some asshole flashing his crank at her out of a Peterbuilt cab in some truck stop in Bumfuck, Idaho.

By making such a big deal about it, she totally insults every female in the world who is REALLY raped and brutalized. All I could think about as she was crying on the beach were the thousands of women in Bosnia, Chechnya, Rwanda and elsewhere that don’t just get a brush with a dick, but suffer gang rapes and then are frequently murdered afterwards. There’s a world of difference between tasteless behavior and actual physical harm.

Fuck you, Sue. Take your scam somewhere else.

Some have speculated that Sue is indeed scamming, that she will be taking revenge on Richard for the first Survivor by suing him. If so, there’s just one word to describe her: Vile.