This delightful news tidbit just arrived in my inbox.

Date: Mon, 28 Apr 2003 22:37:15 -0600 (MDT)
From: Vital Student E-memo
Subject: Crime Alert

TO: All Boulder Campus Students
FROM: CU Police

SENDER: [email protected]

DATE: 04/28/03

SUBJECT: Crime Alert

Dear Students:

We are writing to provide an update on investigations into recent assaults in Boulder and to ask your help if you have any related information. The University of Colorado Police and the Boulder Police are investigating three recent assaults upon women which occurred recently in Boulder.

On early Sunday morning, April 20, 2003, at about 1:30 a.m., a woman was sexually assaulted north of Norlin Library on the Boulder campus. In that incident, two males accosted the victim. One male sexually assaulted the woman while the other stood by as a lookout.

The suspects were described as being white college-age males. The male who acted as a lookout has brown hair. The male who assaulted the victim has red hair. A composite drawing of the male who sexually assaulted the victim is available at the UCPD web site, www.Colorado.edu/police.

On Saturday morning, April 26, 2003, at about 3:00 a.m., a woman was attacked by two unknown assailants on the Boulder Creek bike path near Boulder High School. Witnesses in the area heard the victim scream, and came to her aid. The witnesses chased the two suspects, but were unable to catch them.

The suspects were described as being white males, both about 5 feet, 6 inches tall. One might have been wearing a blue hooded sweatshirt. Baseball caps were found at the scene which may belong to the suspects. One cap was a blue and orange Miami Dolphins cap and the other was black with the letter -A- on it. Photographs of the hats and additional information is available at the Boulder Police website: www.ci.boulder.co.us/comm/pressrelease/2003/0428.html.

On Sunday morning about 2:00 a.m., a woman reported that she was physically assaulted by a lone male in the Hill area. The attack occurred in the west alley of the 1100 block of 13th Street, behind the Sink. The suspect was described as a white male in his early twenties, and was -short and skinny.- He was wearing a black shirt with an unknown logo on it, and khaki pants.

We encourage all citizens, including our students, to exercise safety precautions that can help prevent an attack. These include using free escorts available by NightRide/NightWalk which can be reached by calling (303) 492-SAFE, walk with friends at night time, carry a safety whistle, and be aware of surroundings. A map of emergency telephones on campus is available at the UCPD website, www.colorado.edu/police/safety/et.html. Safety whistles and copies of UCPD’s Safety Information and Resource Guide are available without cost at UCPD, 1050 Regent Drive.

They want me to carry of safety whistle! A safety whistle! I’ll be sure to blow it loudly while waving the “UCPD’s Safety Information and Resource Guide” in any attacker’s face.

Christ. I want my Ruger to protect myself from rapists on campus, not a god-damned useless fucking safety whistle. But the university forbids students with concealed carry permits from carrying on campus, even though state law permits it. So let’s just say it outright: The Administration of the University of Colorado at Boulder is objectively pro-rape.