Even The Onion couldn’t make up these kinds of absurdities:

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has sought to justify his confidence the United States will not attack Iran, saying the proof comes from his mathematical skills as an engineer and faith in God, the press reported on Monday.

Ahmadinejad told academics in a speech that elements inside Iran were pressing for compromise in the nuclear standoff with the West over fears the United States could launch a military strike.

“In some discussions I told them ‘I am an engineer and I am examining the issue. They do not dare wage war against us and I base this on a double proof’,” he said in the speech on Sunday, reported by the reformist Etemad Melli and Kargozaran newspapers.

“I tell them: ‘I am an engineer and I am a master in calculation and tabulation.

“I draw up tables. For hours, I write out different hypotheses. I reject, I reason. I reason with planning and I make a conclusion. They cannot make problems for Iran.’”

Ahmadinejad has long expressed pride in his academic prowess. He holds a PhD on transport engineering and planning from Tehran’s Science and Technology University and is the author several of scientific papers.

The deeply religious president said his second reason was: “I believe in what God says.”

“God says that those who walk in the path of righteousness will be victorious. What reason can you have for believing God will not keep this promise.”

Indeed, what country needs military defense when its president has calculation tables! And faith is always an excellent basis for foreign policy… if you wish to be surprised and crushed, that is.

What a small and pathetic enemy Iran is, yet the US is treating it as a great monster, as if equal to the threat of the Soviet Union. (Of course, we treated the Soviets as a bigger threat than they actually were too, but nevermind that. Or rather, we allowed them to become a much greater threat than the ever should have been by granting political concessions, engaging in often one-way trade, and allowing rampant theft of western technology.) Of course, if we allow Iran to develop those nukes, they will be a much more serious threat in rather short order.

However, Ahmadinejad is probably right: Bush is unlikely to attack Iran, not after the ongoing mess he’s made of Iraq. At this point, Bush couldn’t get the requisite support for another boondoggle of a war.

None of that is good. (Via Robert L.)