Gun Nuts, More Literally Than Usual

 Posted by on 9 November 2005 at 8:10 am  Uncategorized
Nov 092005

While I’m not at all prudish about nudity, I do think that it’s only appropriate in certain very limited contexts. Clothing serves some very important purposes, including protecting the body from cold and scrapes, concealing ugly physical features like rolls of fat, and preventing unwelcome sexual displays and sexual contact.

Given the many important functions served by clothing, its absence ought to serve some genuine purpose, without imposing unwanted costs upon others or otherwise interfering in normal human interactions. For example, swimming is significantly more pleasurable in the nude, but I’ll never forgo a suit in the company of mere friends, let alone strangers. Nor would I wish to be in the company of skinny dipping friends or strangers, even if I were properly covered. In those kinds of cases, the nudity would inappropriately sexualize the gathering, such that acting normally would require assiduously ignoring certain obvious visual stimuli. To put it crudely, I don’t want to see a schlong unless I’m going to make some good use of it.

In general, I’m quite baffled by the nudist desire to do away with clothing in everyday activities among virtual strangers. It seems like a strange form of exhibitionism to me, albeit not a malicious one in which the display is shocking and unwelcome to others, as with the weirdos who masturbate in the juvenile fiction section of the library. (I encountered one of those freaks when young enough to read those books; he was eventually arrested.) I’ve just never found clothing to be restrictive per se, so I cannot understand the supposed freedom of shedding it. However, if some people wish to wiggle around naked in designated areas, that’s their business — just count me out.

However, this inquiry on “concealed carry at nudist camp” is just plain wrong on so many more levels than mere nudism:

My wife and I have taken the plunge and are planning to spend a full week at Forest Hills Nudist Resort this summer. We’ve been to nudist camps twice before, but never overnight. Since these previous trips were to beaches, my concealed carry technique for those situations was to keep my Makarov in a Ziploc bag inside our cooler. This summer’s trip, however will include volleyball, pot-luck dinners, and dances. My cooler can’t be within arm’s reach in those situations. I need some advice. I’ve become so used to my CCW, I can’t imagine being unarmed. Here are my options, as I see them:

1) Go unarmed, because nudists are generally real nice folks.

2) Carry around a leather satchel or man-purse. With a shoulder strap, of course.

3) This one’s kind of hard to explain. My wife and I are into a rather unusual type of entertainment, and I’ve discovered that normal duct tape adheres very well to human skin. You should also know that I’m quite overweight, bordering on obese. In a flash of revelation one fine morning, I realized that one of the advantages of being rotund is that I’m able to conceal a NAA mini-revolver between the two largest rolls of my belly. A bit of duct tape holds it in place. Its completely invisible when I’m standing or sitting upright. It does show a bit when I recline or lie down, however.

Other than those three choices, I’m stumped. Any suggestions?

As someone replied, “This thread may have permanently scarred me.”

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