This “Dear Abby” has really gnawed on the back of my brain for the past few days:
DEAR ABBY: Our daughter is being married in two months to a wonderful Asian man. We love our future son-in-law as if he were our son. My husband and I do not have a problem with this issue. As long as our daughter and granddaughter are happy and being provided for — which they are — this marriage has our blessing.
We have received several comments from relatives that they do not attend mixed marriages or believe in them. Should these people receive an invitation? We don’t want to hurt any family members, but they have hurt us. Knowing they are against the marriage, should they be invited? — HURT IN TEXAS
DEAR HURT: You’re off the hook. As far as I’m concerned, anyone who has gone on record as “not attending mixed marriages” should be crossed off the list. Not only would they add nothing to the occasion, they could also detract from it.
I wasn’t bothered by Abby’s reply, but by the psychology revealed in the letter itself. The appropriate response to such vicious, unjust racism from relatives against such a beloved future son-in-law is anger, preferably of the furious, astonished, indignant variety. Instead, this mom is worried about hurting the feelings of her racist relations, but thinks that such may be justified since they hurt her feelings first. Augh!
Honestly, if anyone of my acquaintance — family or not — had expressed the slightest opposition to my marriage to Paul on racial grounds, that person would never have enjoyed another polite or friendly word from me for the rest of his or her life. That’s just how simple the matter ought to be.
As Ayn Rand said:
Observe how many people evade, rationalize and drive their minds into a state of blind stupor, in dread of discovering that those they deal with–their “loved ones” or friends or business associates or political rulers–are not merely mistaken, but evil. Observe that this dread leads them to sanction, to help and to spread the very evil whose existence they fear to acknowledge (VOS 85).