Years of Work in One Sentence

 Posted by on 30 December 2013 at 2:00 pm  Academia, Funny, Responsibility & Luck
Dec 302013

Paul found this hysterical web site in which people compress their whole thesis or dissertation into a single sentence. Here are a few samples:

I don’t know what genes are responsible for guiding zebrafish embryos to grow into mature fish, but I killed thousands of them to find out. (Biology, Northeastern University)

If you want to get drugs directly into your brain, then drill a hole in your head. (Biomedical Engineering, University of Toronto)

Democracy would work a whole lot better if we weren’t so, you know, human. (Political Science, Rutgers)

You can make spacetime do all kinds of wonderful things, and all you have to do is get rid of the conservation of energy. (Physics, Tufts University)

Trust your gut, except when your gut is being an asshole, which can be really hard to tell, but do your best. (Philosophy, Western University)

Here’s mine, now submitted:

It’s not luck; it’s you.

If you want the details, buy the book!

An Awesome Spam Comment

 Posted by on 5 December 2013 at 2:00 pm  Crazy Emails, Funny
Dec 052013

I received this particularly awesome comment on my recently posted podcast question on Mercenary Essay Contest Writing:

Competitions in writing like this one is a good practice for those students who already show their skills when it comes in writing. A good experience for them to gain some new tactics in making their essays and other types of writing even better.

Here’s why that mess of English is so awesome: the poster is advertising some essay-writing site. Heck, you can see a bunch of similarly grammatical comments by clicking on the person’s handle “custom essay” on the comment.

Bless his heart.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 Posted by on 28 November 2013 at 9:00 am  Funny
Nov 282013

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I have much to be grateful for, but since I’m feeling a bit too high in spirits for such a serious post, I’ll leave you with this gem…

The Evil of Snow-Covered Patio Pictures

 Posted by on 27 November 2013 at 2:00 pm  Funny, Photography
Nov 272013

This video commentary epic rant by Kyle Clark of our local 9NEWS station on the evil of pictures of snow-covered patio furniture is beyond awesome. Really, watch the video!

I love that so many people were irate about it!


Although I grew up on the east coast, I was unaware of this cultural and political divide: “On the east coast, they have slaves, and they believe in slavery and made in china. but on the west coast and the new west coast, we don’t believe in that. We believe in the union, and that’s what we are.” Also, I’d like to know more about these “vegetable trees.” No, really!

Really though, I’d like to know what the heck she smoked before this meeting… so that I can avoid that substance like the plague.

The Affordable Relationship Protection Act

 Posted by on 20 November 2013 at 10:00 am  Funny, Love/Sex, Medicine, Politics
Nov 202013

Chris Land posted this to Facebook yesterday, and it’s too awesome not to share:


Looking for a romantic partner takes time, energy and money. Sadly, many American adults are currently unrelationshipped. Who can they turn to in need? To whichever institution is in the best position to help, that’s who!

A few years after the passage of the Affordable Relationship Protection Act, the website will go live. Unrelationshipped adults can then create an online profile with the help of specially funded Coaches. Based on your individual selection criteria, an exciting new partner will be assigned in 4-6 weeks. Love at last!

To provide the necessary funding, all adults will be required to set up an account or face a small penalty (this is not a tax unless it needs to be for legal reasons). Those already in a relationship will be required to register that relationship. Government is what we do together.

IF YOU LIKE YOUR PARTNER, YOU CAN KEEP YOUR PARTNER. Any significant changes (like change of job or residence or a new tattoo) will require re-registration. Approval will be routine unless you’ve selected a substandard partner. In those rare cases, your new partner will be a big improvement!

Sure there will be a few bugs to work out. A few kinks, some bumps in the road. But let’s all keep the end goal – happy relationships for everyone! – firmly in mind. Anyone against this WANTS people to be unhappy. Stride forward, comrades! Forward to the future!

I’m looking forward to upgrading my substandard partner soon! Sure, I’ll have to pay a bit more, but I’ll get something much better, right? Right?!?

Dog Steals the Show…. Er, the Soccer Game

 Posted by on 14 November 2013 at 2:00 pm  Animals, Dogs, Funny, Sports
Nov 142013

Dog interrupts soccer game, steals frisbee, interrupts soccer again… No one can catch him:

A dog got loose on the field during the second half of a women’s college soccer game recently, and nobody could catch it. It did leave the field once, but that was only to go steal some nearby people’s frisbee and then come back to continue happily interrupting soccer.

First, just one lady chases after it, presumably its owner. But by the end of the video, half the crowd is trying to get this pup under control. And, of course, throughout the whole thing, this wily, frolicking dog is having the time of its life…


In a recent lesson, my trainer Martha’s dog — also a white lab — suddenly ran into the ring and began running around like crazy, just like this dog. Martha and I just watched her, in wonder and laughter. The crowning moment was when the dog suddenly leaped off all four legs — exactly like a bounding deer. We’d never seen anything like it, and I’m pretty sure the dog was surprised too!

Naughty Kitty Merlin at the Vet

 Posted by on 12 November 2013 at 2:00 pm  Animals, Cats, Funny, Personal
Nov 122013

At the vet two weeks ago, naughty kitty Merlin was very enthused to be in a new place with much to explore. First, he opened the cabinet (overcoming the child-proof lock in seconds) and explored inside for a while.

Then, most unexpectedly, he climbed up into the drawer of medical supplies, refused to leave, and ultimately got stuck.

After I took this picture, we were able to free him, although that was harder than expected. He was much more subdued after that, until he went for the cabinet again.

My vet was very amused — and amazed too. Me, not so much! Naughty kitty Merlin is naughty!

The Best Kangaroo Ever

 Posted by on 4 November 2013 at 2:00 pm  Animals, Funny
Nov 042013

I’ve watched this about 15 times already, and I just can’t stop laughing.

Notice that he kicks with his hind feet, while balancing on his tail.

Slang Phrases From The 1920s

 Posted by on 28 October 2013 at 2:00 pm  Funny, Language
Oct 282013

I was just planning to post this to a Link-O-Rama, but I liked too many of these! Here’s a few of my favorites from 59 More Slang Phrases From The 1920s We Should Start Using Again:

“Banana oil!”: “That’s doubtful!”

Barneymugging: sexual intercourse.

“Cash or Check?”: “Will you kiss me now or do we wait until later?” Note: “Check” on its own means to take a raincheck on kissing or save the kiss for another time.

Cast a Kitten: to throw a temper tantrum. (Also use for “temper tantrum”: “ing bing.”)

Dead Hoofer: a terrible dancer, someone with two left feet.

Eel’s Hips: a phrase similar to “The Cat’s Meow” or “The Monkey’s Eyebrows.”

Face Stretcher: an older lady still trying to look young (and usually failing).

Fire Extinguisher: the escort or chaperone for a social event. (Also use for “chaperone”: an “alarm clock.”)

Flat Tire: used to indicate that one’s date did not meet expectations. Example: “She seemed so interesting, but she was nothing but a flat tire!”

Mustard Plaster: someone who isn’t wanted but won’t leave.

Go check out the rest: 59 More Slang Phrases From The 1920s We Should Start Using Again

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